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From a honeymoon suite on the northern coast of Hawaii, with soft air carrying the sound of the waves and the scent of countless night-blossoming flowers through the windows, it requires a major effort to conjure up the memory of what this day felt like just two years ago.
I was in a grey twilight of consciousness. My pain was uncontrolled, and would not be for three more weeks. My lungs were beginning to incubate a hospital-acquired pneumonia. The gash down the center of my abdomen was being held together by staples, but an infection was brewing just under the surface.
I was full of morphine and antibiotics and hope. Hope that the surgeons really had gotten it all, and that I and all of my family and friends were finally coming to the end of a three-plus year saga. Hope that whatever the surgeons had done had not left me permanently incapacitated. Hope that my dream of leading a normal life of normal trials and tribulations was not a fantasy. I am not sure that I had the imagination to hope that at some point, my illness would not be the central defining aspect of my personality.
I am stunned when I think about how amazing my life is right now. I have been cancer-free for two years, and remarkably healthy in all other respects. The neuropathy in my feet has essentially resolved, and even my hearing is significantly improved. I am about to start my final year of medical school (only three years behind schedule). I know what I want to do professionally, and am proud of the progress I have already made. And I am married to a person more lovely than I ever knew existed.
These days, I find myself appreciating the moment, and planning for the future. I spend very little time reopening wounds of the past. I've got far too much life ahead of me for that.
In case you missed it, below is a link to our wedding announcement in the New York Times:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/05/fashion/weddings/alia-creasey-and-joshua-lilienstein-vows.html
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