Tuesday, July 31, 2007

responses

Wow! Whoever said that newspapers were irrelevant in the digital age never had an article written about them. A huge number of people have written, both leaving comments on this blog, and via email. Many relate their own harrowing stories – it is a terrifying and sad thing to remember that I am not alone, that there are dozens and hundreds and thousands and millions of people whose lives are right now being touched by tragedy. The torrential outpouring of stories is amazing to me. Maybe it shouldn’t be, since I have obviously felt this same need to share mine. The urgency with which people have been sharing their experiences reminds me of something that we are taught in the first year of medical school, but which largely falls on deaf ears: how important it is that people feel that they are listened to and understood. The article may have been written about me, but this is not the reason that people have found it interesting. Its greatest value seems to have come from the fact that it provided a stimulus for others to express themselves.

As for me, I am relishing feeling better every day, though with the crisis averted, there is more space for rumination. A few entries ago I wrote about there being a clear path ahead. I am back in Palo Alto now, and in the calm of home I find that while there are fewer terrifying possibilities looming, there are many new and important variables that have sprung up, and that the path ahead is not at all clear. Will I be physically able to begin school again in the fall? Will I be emotionally stable enough? Is it more important for me to re-engage with school so that I can apply what I have learned to my studies and beyond, or should I take some time to reconsider my goals, and enjoy life?

(No need to weigh in all at once!)

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

congrats to you! your story is super inspirational and I wish you all the best of luck! good luck with school in the fall!

Anonymous said...

Do exactly what it is you need to do: RECOVER, RELISH, RUMINATE, REST, REPLENISH, or RECONSIDER to RE-ENGAGE? Personally, I'd want a doctor like you with your integrity. Until then, definitely...RE-ENJOY! I celebrate your life, your courageous story, & your will of wellness!

Anonymous said...

The trees are so pretty in Palo Alto and Mom is there. ? is, Why can't you have it all? Life is too short to have to choose a direction after such a battle as yours. Do it all, see it all, feel it all. Love out loud, sing out loud, dance your socks off.

OaklandLady said...

If you chose to stick around up here, I think you should make a trip to the Academy and visit the fish and the penguins (and cousin Jessy). Congrats on everything and I am glad you're back in Cali! www.calacademy.org

Anonymous said...

Hi Josh! Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story and 'apologize' for not having reached out and/or shown any support to you throughout this whole ordeal you have endured...

I am one of your Class of 2009 classmates, one who does not know you at all (nor do you know me), but I know your name and face. I also knew that you were fighting testicular cancer, but had only heard brief muttered mentions alluding to / implying this from classmates who feared they were violating HIPAA rules with even their oblique references to this fact (or if not HIPAA rules, then still a violation of your privacy in a less official or legal sense). (Obviously, as you have this blog [and now the newspaper article!] this was all actually information that was in the “public domain” and I can see our concern to respect your privacy was overly cautious. It is also obvious that the people I heard these oblique references from also did not know you well, otherwise they would have realized the info was not “top secret”; I am sure those who are closer to you were all aware of the existence of your blog…)

Anyway, I would have liked to have reached out to you and expressed some caring concern – but as I felt I had potentially received information as a result of a HIPAA violation, I felt I should not perpetuate the violation any further so I myself never passed along any of these oblique references nor did I reach out to you in any way. I really felt I would have been violating your privacy in doing either.

So, from a very belated position I would like to let you know I have thought of you often during the past year or so, and I am sorry I did not know of an appropriate outlet to let you know this. I can only hope I somehow managed to put some “good karma” out there into the universe on your behalf that you felt nevertheless.

Glad to hear you are doing so well. (And it was so exciting to see you in the L.A. Times!) I will continue to keep you in my thoughts.

Sending you BIG HUGS and much love on behalf of ALL of your classmates who were paranoid about HIPAA violations… ;-)
(Maybe all of this talk about “professionalism” and “ethics” we get in med school is sometimes counterproductive…) (I appreciated and related to the many references in your blog on this theme!) ;-)

Congrats & “keep on keeping on”…

-a classmate

P.S. You actually look quite attractive with no hair. ;-) (You might consider maintaing that look...)

Anonymous said...

Josh, as your college friends say, go big or go home. You've got a lot of strength, and I would love to see others benefit from it. In the meantime, you can drink to california till you wobble in your shoes - or, if not, we will on your behalf.... Can't wait to see you when you're back in LA.
:)

Anonymous said...

Josh, as your college friends say, go big or go home. You've got a lot of strength, and I would love to see others benefit from it. In the meantime, you can drink to california till you wobble in your shoes - or, if not, we will on your behalf.... Can't wait to see you when you're back in LA.
:)

The Hill Family said...

Gotta love blogspot... we read about you in the paper and found it interesting that you have your own blog here, too. I started a blog for my daughter, a pancreatic carcinoma patient diagnosed at age 4, in March of 2005 (when she recurred--actually, quite like your case it was most likely spillage that developed new tumors after her primary tumor resection). The best doctors we have ever met (almost every doc at CHLA, and a couple of notables at UCLA) were knowledgable, honest, and empathetic. The world will be blessed to have you as a practicing doctor. Take care, Emilie Hill
www.elizabethhill.blogspot.com

Erica Kreller said...

Hey Josh,

I'm one of 5 Keckers who has the privilege of being in your new ICM group, should you choose to come back this fall. Dr. Quinn and Neil Rifenbark told us about your blog today in our first PPM session. I am truly humbled by the courage that you have shown in the last year and a half, and by the eloquence with which you have shared your experience. I want you to know that we look forward to meeting you and hopefully easing your re-entry into the life of learning to wear the white coat. Until then,

Best,
Erica

Sherry Reson said...

Sweet. So sweet. Every week I check back in, note that things are still good and breathe another sigh of effing releaf.

Unknown said...

Dear Josh: I don't know much but I'm confident, as I always have been, that you possess a unique, spectacular combination of compassion, intelligence, 'buena onda', and love of life that will make you an outstanding clinician. For what its worth. - Gabe

Kacey said...

What to do... well, I don't know about the future... but let's start with a high school reunion tomorrow night. Looking forward to seeing you, hugging you and CELEBRATING with you! Nothing would make me happier.

- K

Ashley said...

Josh! I'm so happy to hear that the CT was F-ING NORMAL!!! I loved seeing you in NYC when this whole rigamarole began, and have been following your blog. Tommy and I think of you often out here and I can't wait to see you when I (hopefully) move back to Cali. You are an inspiration and whatever you decide to do whenever you decide to do it will be the right decision. Just go with your gut...wait, strike that, yer gut's been misbehaving, follow your heart instead :)

PS Sara, eh? Nice work. Cancer-boy's got GAME!

Sherry Reson said...

Josh, the Annenberg Center for Public Policy at USC has a strong presence in Second Life. This could be an opportunity for you to do some of what you would like without compromising or even stress your immune system. Plus it's great fun.

Contact me for details.