transitions

The end of one thing is only the beginning of another. My three year relationship with Amelie has drawn to a close. While this is clearly not a good time to be rocking the boat, I decided that the stress of the status quo was more dangerous than the risk of moving on. The breakup was very traumatic for both of us, and the outcome looks like it will be much less amicable than I had hoped. It was a difficult decision to come to, horrible to actually drop the bomb, distressing to know that she is taking it badly, and sad to think about all of the things about the relationship that I loved, and will miss. But it was the right decision, and I feel that I did it honestly and lovingly (even if she doesn’t). It is deeply saddening to lose such a good friend. I can’t afford, however, to dwell on it right now. I have to remain positive, and look ahead. I am on to a new phase in my life, with new dreams to be dreamt and new plans to be made.

To give Amelie room to move out and move on, and myself a positive, controlled environment, I have relocated to Palo Alto again for three weeks, and am currently doing round 6 of chemo at Stanford. My next round will be in LA starting February 5th, and I should be down there a few days before. If you are local (LA), be prepared for a party sometime the weekend of Feb 2-4.

My white counts mysteriously having bounced back up to practically normal levels, my doctors decided that travel wasn’t too risky, and so I was cleared for a whirlwind weekend trip to New York with my parents. While going to New York is always exciting, the impetus behind the trip wasn’t pleasant: we were there to attend a memorial to a dear friend, Jeff Hoyer, who unexpectedly died of a heart attack. Huge, wild, roaring with strength and intelligence and creativity, for me he embodied New York. His energy careens on through the pulse of the city.

Working as an independent computer consultant to support his real life as an avant-garde musician, Jeff didn’t have health insurance, and didn’t heed warning signs or his friends’ admonitions to seek help. My two cents: Schwartzie’s health care plan is BS. Somebody like Jeff wouldn’t have gotten employer-based insurance, and he wouldn’t have gone to see a doctor because the minimum $5000 deductible on the individual plan wouldn’t have done squat for him until he had a diagnosis. It is a huge barrier to care. There are lots of other problems with it, but now is not the time. I’m sure I’ll be in the mood one of these days.